When I Am An Old Man - Version One

When I am an old man, I will wear plaid trousers, let my shirt tail hang out on one side on Tuesdays, and wear ties that clash with everything.

I'll carry a cane whether I need it or not, to waggle at people who ask stupid questions and poke pretty young girls.

I'll have my ear pierced, the one that says you're gay (whichever that is) and grin if someone mentions it.

I won't smile on Thursdays, even if I'm chuckling inside, I'll never be angry on Sundays, except in months when the sun doesn't shine.

Maybe I'll shave, and maybe I won't, depends on which eye I open first in the morning.

I'll spit in public places, but not on people's shoes,v unless they deserve it, and belch from both ends when the spirit moves me.

I'll eat tacos for breakfast, ice cream with salad, drink tea with honey, coffee with maple syrup, and rum with nothing at all.

I'll stare everyone straight in the eye, give my opinion on everything under the sun, if I'm asked, and especially if I'm not.

I'll forget how to spell "rules" but not "integrity", "obligations", but not "responsibility", "expectations", but not "honor".

I'll speak to God direct, help him out when he needs it, but gently, cause mainly he does good work, when people leave him alone, that is.

I'll cry at movies and funerals, laugh at my own mistakes, if I make any, hug my sons and my daughters every chance I get, raise my hat to any woman wearing purple.

I think I'll have more fun saying what I think, being who I am, staring at the stars,
when I am an old man, wearing plaid trouser.

 ......ROBERT N. McWILLIAM

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