My Computer

I sometimes sit and wonder, About the days way back then. You know, before the 'puter, Took my life round the bend! I never knew how to turn it on, I stared at it for days. I really couldn't fathom, Nothing about this craze! I got so tired of asking, Everybody this and that. I figured it out for myself, Once I found my thinking hat! I never missed my shows, I had to see each one. But since I found the internet, I just go to CBS.com! My family thinks I've lost it, Out in cyber-space. This is where you'll find me, Working at a fast pace! Just one more webpage, I promise, Then supper I will start. The sad and hungry looks I get, Almost break my heart.. Almost! {smile} Debbie Dodson ©January 25, 2000

 

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The One That Got Away

After a Tuesday fishing on the River Test, near Southampton in Southern England, Trevor is walking from the pier carrying two brown trout in a bucket. He is approached by a Water Conservation Officer who asks him for his fishing license. Trevor replies to the environmentalist, 'I was not fishing and I did not catch these brown trout, they are my pets. Every day I come down to the water and put these fish into the water and take them for a walk to the end of the pier and back. When I'm ready to go I whistle and they jump back into the bucket and we go home. The officer, obviously, does not believe him and he reminds Trevor that it is illegal to fish without a license. The fisherman turns to the warden and says, 'If you don't believe me then watch, 'and he throws the trout back into the water. The warden says, 'Now whistle to your fish and show me that they will jump out of the water and into the bucket.' The fisherman turns to the officer and says, 'What fish?' AMUSING FISHING SAYINGS AND QUOTES A bad day of fishing is still better than a good day at work. – Author Unknown. An angler is a man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers doing nothing because his wife won’t let him do it at home. – Author Unknown The gods do not deduct from man’s allotted span the hours spent in fishing. – Babylonian Proverb The fishing was good; it was the catching that was bad. – A.K. Best All fishermen are liars; it’s an occupational disease with them like housemaid’s knee or editor’s ulcers. – Beatrice Cook There’s a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot. – Steven Wright Calling fishing a hobby is like calling brain surgery a job. – Paul Schullery The only reason I ever played golf in the first place was so that I could afford to hunt and fish. – Sam Snead Smoked carp tastes just as good as smoked salmon when you ain’t got no smoked salmon. – Patrick F. McManus If I fished only to capture fish, my fishing trips would have ended long ago. – Zane Grey Ones that almost got away: Fly fishermen are born honest, but they get over it. – Ed Zern Somebody just back of you while you are fishing is as bad as someone looking over your shoulder while you write a letter to your girl. – Ernest Hemingway The fisherman’s golden rule: the one that got away is always bigger than the one you gotta weigh.

source: www.funny-jokes.com

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ABC's of Ageing

A is for arthritis,  B is for bad back,  C is for the chest pains. Corned Beef? Cardiac?  D is for dental decay and decline,  E is for eyesight--can't read that top line.  F is for fissures and fluid retention  G is for gas (which I'd rather not mention-- and not to forget other gastrointestinal glitches)  H is high blood pressure  I is for itches, and lots of incisions  J is for joints, that now fail to flex  L is for libido--what happened to sex?        Wait! I forgot about K!  K is for my knees that crack all the time (But forgive me, I get a few lapses in my Memory from time to time)  N is for nerve (pinched) and neck (stiff) and neurosis  O is for osteo-for all the bones that crack  P is for prescriptions, that cost a small fortune  Q is for queasiness. Fatal or just the flu? Give me another pill and I'll be good as new!  R is for reflux--one meal turns into two  S is for sleepless nights, counting fears on how to pay my medical bills!  T is for tinnitus--I hear bells in my ears and the word 'terminal' also rings too near  U is for urinary and the difficulties that flow (or not)  V is for vertigo, as life spins by  W is worry, for pains yet unfound  X is for X ray--and what one might find  Y is for year (another one, I'm still alive).  Z is for zest For surviving the symptoms my body's deployed, And keeping twenty-six doctors gainfully employed.

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Let The Good Times Roll

What a life I'm having  Feeling real content Glad that Herbert left me Such a great event Now I can just sit here Do just what singles do Make no mistakes my darlin I need prime time too But boy have I sure had it With men and all that jazz Want to start unwinding Catch up on new fads Love these ear muffs baby The sound is sure divine Nice and soft and comfy Warming at same time Opps I didn't see you I don't want to be rude How ya doin honey For now I must conclude This is my new beginning I'm gonna have some fun Gonna let the good times roll My housewife days are done.   Author ~ Francine Pucillo ~ ©Copyright June 30, 2002

 

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Mr. & Mrs. Potato Head Fable

Forget the traditional Potato Head story:Here is an uncensored tale about a young potato head getting a lesson on the facts of life from her Mr. & Mrs. Potato parents. Read it and enjoy! You know that all potatoes have eyes. Mr. and Mrs. Potato Head had eyes for each other and they finally got married and had a little one: a real sweet potato whom they called “Yam.” They wanted the best for little Yam by telling their daughter about the facts of life. Mr. & Mrs. Potato Head warned her about going out and getting half-baked because she could get Mashed, get a bad name like Hot Potato, or ending up with a bunch of Tater Tots. The daughter said don’t fret, because no Mr. McSpud would get her in the sack and make a Rotten Potato out of her! But she also said that she wouldn’t stay home and become a Couch Potato either. The young potato head would get plenty of food and exercise so as not to be skinny like her Shoestring cousins. Mr. and Mrs. Potato even told her about going off to Europe and to watch out for the Hard Boiled guys from Ireland and the greasy guys from France called the French Fries. Mr. & Mrs. Potato advised she should watch out for Indians of the old “Wild West,” because she could get Scalloped. She told them she would stay on the straight and narrow and wouldn’t associate with those high class Blue Belles or the ones from the other side of the tracks who advertise their trade on all the trucks you see around town that say Frito Lay. Mr. & Mrs. Potato wanted the best for Yam, so they sent her to “Idaho P.U.” P.U. stands for Potato University where the Big Potatoes come from and when she graduated, she’d really be in the Chips. But one day she came home and said she was going to marry Rush Limbaugh. Mr. and Mrs. Potato fainted, because they said she couldn’t marry him because he’s just a commontater!

 

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