Gramma's Recipes

My Favorite Recipes

I have so many recipes
Collected over the years
I do have my favorites though
But they're stained with many tears.

They're recipes from my grandma
She had her way you know
A pinch of this, a dab of that
Ingredients from her garden she hoed.

She'd can vegetables and berries all day long
Which were included with her meals
She'd always put such a feast on
And it caused us all to squeal.

I've followed some of her recipes
Well, I've tried with all my might
I guess my pinch and dab of that
Caused it never to turn out right.

But these recipes I'll always keep
No other ones can compare
She took the time to write them down
Her cooking she wished to share.

Yes, my favorite recipes are my grandma's
She had her own way it's true
Her pinch of this and dab of that
Has left me without a clue.

© 2006 Chee Chee Martin
Whisperings Of The Mind And Soul

Grandmother's are Mothers topped with Apron Frosting

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Diary of a Snow Shoveler

December 8 - 6:00 PM
It started to snow.
The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat  for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven.
It looked like a Grandma Moses Print.
So romantic we felt like newlyweds again.
I love snow!

December 9
We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape.
What a fantastic sight!
Can there be a lovelier place in the whole world?
Moving here was the best idea I've ever had!
Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again.
I did both our driveway and the sidewalks.
This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again.
What a perfect life!

December 12
The sun has melted all our lovely snow.
Such a disappointment!
My neighbor tells me not to worry- we'll definitely have a white Christmas.
No snow on Christmas would be awful!
Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again
I don't think that's possible.
Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14
Snow, lovely snow! 8 inches last night.
The temperature dropped to -20.
The cold makes everything sparkle so.
The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks.
This is the life!
The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again.
I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.
I wish l wouldn't huff and puff so.
 
December 15
20 inches forecast.
Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer.
Bought snow tires for the wife's car and 2 extra shovels.
Stocked the freezer.
The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out.
I think that's silly.
We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16
Ice storm this morning.
Fell on my ass on the ice in the driveway putting down salt.
Hurt like hell.
The wife laughed for an hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17
Still way below freezing.
Roads are too icy to go anywhere.
Electricity was off for 5 hours.
I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm.
Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her.
Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her.
God I hate it when she's right.
I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20
Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night.
More shoveling!
Took all day.
The damn snowplow came by twice.
Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey.
I think they're lying.
Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out.
Might have another shipment in March.
I think they're lying.
Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me.
I think he's lying.
 
December 22
Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white   shit fell today, and it's so cold, it probably won't melt till August.
Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to piss.
By the time I got undressed, pissed and dressed again. I was too tired to shovel.
Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter, but he says he's too busy.  I think the asshole is lying.

December 23
Only 2 inches of snow today
And it warmed up to 0.
The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning.
What is she, nuts?!!
Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago?
She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24
6 inches - Snow packed so hard by snowplow, l broke the shovel.
Thought I was having a heart attack.
If I ever catch the son of a bitch who drives that snow plow, I'll drag him through the snow by his balls and beat him to death with my broken shovel.
I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at a 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been!
Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the damn snowplow.

December 25
Merry freaking Christmas!
20 more inches of the damn slop tonight -Snowed in.
The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil.
God, I hate the snow!
Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel.
The wife says I have a bad attitude.
I think she's an idiot.
If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26
Still snowed in.
Why the hell did I ever move here?
It was all HER idea.
She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27
Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze; plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28
Warmed up to above -20.
Still snowed in.
The BITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29
10 more inches.
Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in.
That's the silliest thing I ever heard.   How dumb does he think I am?

December 30
Roof caved in.
I beat up the snow plow driver, and now he is suing me for a million dollars, not only the beating I gave him, but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up his ass.
The wife went home to her mother.
Nine more inches predicted.

December 31
I set fire to what's left of the house.
No more shoveling.

January 8
Feel so good.
I just love those little white pills they keep giving me.
Why am I tied to the bed? 

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Making A Difference - Starfish Story

“Once upon a time, there was a wise man who used to go to the ocean to do his writing. He had a habit of walking on the beach before he began his work.

One day, as he was walking along the shore, he looked down the beach and saw a human figure moving like a dancer. He smiled to himself at the thought of someone who would dance to the day, and so, he walked faster to catch up.

As he got closer, he noticed that the figure was that of a young man, and that what he was doing was not dancing at all. The young man was reaching down to the shore, picking up small objects, and throwing them into the ocean.

He came closer still and called out "Good morning! May I ask what it is that you are doing?"

The young man paused, looked up, and replied "Throwing starfish into the ocean."

"I must ask, then, why are you throwing starfish into the ocean?" asked the somewhat startled wise man.

To this, the young man replied, "The sun is up and the tide is going out. If I don't throw them in, they'll die."

Upon hearing this, the wise man commented, "But, young man, do you not realize that there are miles and miles of beach and there are starfish all along every mile? You can't possibly make a difference!"

At this, the young man bent down, picked up yet another starfish, and threw it into the ocean. As it met the water, he said, "It made a difference for that one.”

―  Loren Eiseley

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Maxine's Take On Thanksgiving

Let's see what Maxine has to say :)

Happy Thanksgiving !!!!

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Leftovers

'Twas the night after Thanksgiving,
but I just couldn't sleep
I tried counting backwards,
I tried counting sheep.

The leftovers beckoned
The dark meat and white
But I fought the temptation
With all of my might.

Tossing and turning
With anticipation
The thought of a snack
Became infatuation.

So I raced to the kitchen
Flung open the door
And gazed at the fridge
Full of goodies galore.

I gobbled up turkey,
And buttered potatoes,
Pickles and carrots,
Beans and tomatoes.

I felt myself swelling
so plump and so round
'Till all of a sudden
I rose off the ground.

I crashed through the ceiling
floating into the sky
With a mouthful of pudding
And a handful of pie.

But I managed to yell
As I soared past the trees
Happy eating to all
Pass the cranberries please!

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The Boob Poem

For years and years they told me,
Be careful of your breasts.
Don't ever squeeze or bruise them.
And give them monthly tests.

So I heeded all their warnings,
And protected them by law.
Guarded them very carefully,
And I always wore my bra.

After 30 years of astute care,
My gyno, Dr. Pruitt,
Said I should get a Mammogram.
"O.K," I said, "let's do it."

"Stand up here real close" she said,
(She got my boob in line),
"And tell me when it hurts," she said,
"Ah yes! Right there, that's fine."

She stepped upon a pedal,
I could not believe my eyes!
A plastic plate came slamming down,
My hooter's in a vise!

My skin was stretched and mangled,
From underneath my chin.
My poor boob was being squashed,
To Swedish Pancake thin.

Excruciating pain I felt,
Within it's vise-like grip.
A prisoner in this vicious thing,
My poor defenseless tit!

"Take a deep breath" she said to me,
Who does she think she's kidding?
My chest is mashed in her machine,
And woozy I am getting.

"There, that's good," I heard her say,
(The room was slowly swaying.)
"Now, let's have a go at the other one."
Have mercy, I was praying.

It squeezed me from both up and down,
It squeezed me from both sides.
I'll bet SHE'S never had this done,
To HER tender little hide.

Next time that they make me do this,
I will request a blindfold.
I have no wish to see again,
My knockers getting steamrolled.

If I had no problem when I came in,
I surely have one now.
If there had been a cyst in there,
It would have gone "ker-pow!"

This machine was created by a man,
Of this, I have no doubt.
I'd like to stick his balls in there,
And see how THEY come out.

Original IcqGreetings4U Site 

Signs & Symptoms

"Every 12 minutes a woman in America dies of breast cancer."

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Grannyisms

National Grandparents Day falls each year on the first Sunday after Labor Day.
Acrostic Grandparents Poems And Grannys Rules For Life

Pun Fun and Quotes

Puns are one of my favorite things about the English language. No matter which one you use, most of the time it brings a smile to people!

What is a pun? A fun play on words . It works by using a comedic phrase which plays off the double meanings and sounds of words . 

I don't know WHY I'm pals with only 25 letters of the alpahbet.

The Fellow whose whole left side was cut off is all RIGHT now.

I tried to catch some fog but I MIST.

The theif who stole the calendar got 12 MONTHS

I was waiting in queue for a fruit drink, but I forgot the punch line.

EASTER PUNS

HALLOWEEN PUNS

THANKSGIVING PUNS

CHRISTMAS PUNS

_ QUOTEABLES _ 

Hanging is too good for a man who makes puns; he should be drawn and quoted.
Fred Allen

Puns are the droppings of soaring wits.
Victor Hugo

Punning is a virtue that most effectually promotes the end of good fellowship, which is laughing.
Jonathan Swift

A pun is a short quip followed by a long groan.
Unknown

It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs – they always take them literally.
Unknown

I live and die by puns.
Feist

Of puns it has been said that those who most dislike them are those who are last able to utter them.
Edgar Allan Poe

The pun is the lowest form of wit.
Samuel Johnson

Find More at GreetingCardPoet


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Is It Someone's Birthday?

Today somebody's birthday
now who could it be?
Is it someone special,
I wonder, is it me?

No, that great occasion
was just two weeks ago
So then it must be someone else
but I don't seem to know!

Hang on, wait a minute
it's coming to me now
It must old age setting in,
for I'd somehow blocked it out!

You see what you have coming
to look forward to
Years of "senior moments"
and I'm younger than you!

It's such a dreadful worry
but you've nothing to fear
'Cause as you're getting older
you'll soon forget the years.

So you see, it's not a problem
it's just a state of mind
For you're as young as you feel
so I'm older all the time!

Still I guess one consolation
I have to see me through
Is that although I'm older
I'll never catch up to you!

But let me take this moment
to wish all the best
For a very happy birthday
as you age some more, I guess.

© Christina
14th January, 2005

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I Wanna Be A Bear

© John Bindon
http://www.bindonart.com/bears.htm


In my next life I want to be a bear.

If you're a bear, you get to hibernate. You do nothing but sleep for six months.

I could deal with that.


Before you hibernate, you're supposed to eat yourself stupid.

I could deal with that, too.


If you're a bear, you give birth to your children (who only weigh half a pound) while you're sleeping and wake to partially grown, cute cuddly cubs.

I could definitely deal with that.


If you're a mama bear, everyone knows you mean business. You swat anyone who bothers your cubs. If your cubs get out of line, you swat them too.

I could deal with that.


If you're a bear, your mate EXPECTS you to wake up growling. He EXPECTS that you will have hairy legs and excess body fat. He KNOWS not to get between you and the food.

Yup...  Gonna be a bear.

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April Fools

This April Fools' Day the students decided to pull a prank on their professor since he makes the students answer their mobiles on speakerphone if it rings during class.

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Maxine's take On Easter

Happy Easter !!!!

Let's see what Maxine has to say :)

Who's On First

One of the best, most memorable comedy sketches of all time. This skit is still hilarious by todays standards and really holds up to time. So sad todays comedians don't make em like this any more as the world sure could use some GOOD CLEAN HUMOR for a change.

Missing the days of Laurel And Hardy, Charlie Chaplin, Three Stooges, Carol Burnett and more.

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Lesson:: Coffee

All I Need to Know About Life I Learned from Drinking Coffee

* I am productive! I am productive! I am productive!

* Better latte than never.

* A day without coffee is like night...you sleep through it.

* We all have to do the daily grind.

* Espresso yourself.

* Automatic drip defines most people's personalities.

* Stand your grounds.

* If the spoon doesn't dissolve, it isn't coffee.

* I love the caffeine; it's the rich taste I could do without.

* Don't stop till you're shaking.

* Impatience is a virtue.

* Take two cups and call me in the middle of the night.

* Who needs sleep when you've got coffee?

* There's no rest for the caffeinated.

* Decaf is for sissies.

* Man cannot live by coffee alone - donuts are pretty essential too.

* There is no such thing as a free refill.

* It's okay to be full of beans sometimes.

     ~ Author Unknown

A grandmother was surprised by her 7 year old helper early one morning.  He had made her coffee! She drank what was the worst cup of coffee in her life. And, when she got to the bottom, to her utter amazement there were three of little green army men in her cup.  Puzzled, she asked "Honey, what are the army men doing in my coffee?"   Her grandson answered "Grandma, you know how it says on TV,
"The best part of waking up is soldiers in your cup."

"If it ain't caffeinated, it ain't coffee!"

12 Signs You’re A Real Coffee Addict

1.  You keep artificial sweetener in small dimes bags for convenience, officer.

2. You can’t function throughout the day unless you get your morning fix.

3. You have etched clues to your addiction into the walls of your social networks.

4. A fact that has caused your friends to no longer follow you down this road. (Like, we get it, #caffeine is life. Real original.)

5. You need it to party, with full knowledge that it will keep you up all night.

6. You learned the difference between a coffee mug and robbing a barista at gun point the hard way, allegedly.

7. You’ve tried quitting before and that was the worst 2 hours of your life.

8. People don’t give you money on the streets because they know you’re going to spend it at Starbucks.

9. Your breath reeks from it and you’re covered with stains.

10. You can only get that really good shit from Colombia.

11. You walk around hooked up to an IV filled with the stuff.

12. It wakes you up! And wouldn’t ya know it, you don’t want the right to remain silent. That’s like irony I think.

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Lesson - Trees

All I Need To Know About Life I Learned From Trees

In today's complex world, it pays to branch out.
It's important to have roots.
To be politically correct, don't wear firs.

Be flexible so you don't break when a harsh wind blows.
Don't pine away over old flames.
Sometimes you have to shed your old bark in order to grow.

If you want to maintain accurate records, keep a log.
To be politically correct, don't wear firs.
It's more important to be honest than poplar.

It's perfectly okay to be a late bloomer.
Grow where you're planted.
Avoid people who would like to cut you down.

Get all spruced up when you have a hot date.
If the party gets boring, just leaf.

If you really believe in something,
don't be afraid to go out on a limb.

You can't hide your true colors
as you approach the autumn of your life.

Author Sally Deems-Mogyordy of Sheffield Lake, Ohio.

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Lesson Puzzles

Life Lessons Learned From Jigsaw Puzzles

Don't force a fit.
If something is meant to be, it will come together naturally.

When things aren't going so well, take a break.

 Everything will look different when you return.

Be sure to look at the big picture.
 Getting hung up on the little pieces only leads to frustration.

Perseverance pays off.
Every important puzzle went together bit by bit, piece by piece.

When one spot stops working, move to another.
But be sure to come back later.

The creator of the puzzle gave you the picture as a guidebook.

Variety is the spice of life.
It's the different colors and patterns that make the puzzle interesting.

Establish the border first.
Boundaries give a sense of security and order.

Don't be afraid to try different combinations.
Some matches are surprising.

Take time to celebrate your successes
(even little ones).

Anything worth doing takes time and effort.
A great puzzle can't be rushed.

Author Unknown

 

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Lesson Horses

A Father's Explanation Of Why He Had Horses For His Children

My daughter turned sixteen years old today; which is a milestone for most people. Besides looking at baby photos and childhood trinkets with her, I took time to reflect on the young woman my daughter had become and the choices she would face in the future.

As I looked at her I could see the athlete she was, and determined woman she would soon be. I started thinking about some of the girls we knew in our town who were already pregnant, pierced in several places, hair every color under the sun, drop outs, drug addicts and on the fast track to no-where, seeking surface identities because they had no inner self esteem. The parents of these same girls have asked me why I "waste" the money on horses so my daughter can ride. I'm told she will grow out of it, lose interest, discover boys and all kinds of things that try to pin the current generation' s "slacker" label on my child. I don't think it will happen, I think she will love and have horses all her life.

Because my daughter grew up with horses she has compassion. She knows that we must take special care of the very young and the very old. We must make sure those without voices to speak of their pain are still cared for.

Because my daughter grew up with horses she learned responsibility for others than herself. She learned that regardless of the weather you must still care for those you have the stewardship of. There are no "days off" just because you don't feel like being a horse owner that day. She learned that for every hour of fun you have there are days of hard slogging work you must do first.

Because my daughter grew up with horses she learned not to be afraid of getting dirty and that appearances don't matter to most of the breathing things in the world we live in. Horses do not care about designer clothes, jewelry, pretty hairdos or anything else we put on our bodies to try to impress others. What a horse cares about are your abilities to work within his natural world, he doesn't care if you're wearing $80.00 jeans while you do it. - Because my daughter grew up with horses she learned about sex and how it can both enrich and complicate lives. She learned that it only takes one time to produce a baby, and the only way to ensure babies aren't produced is not to breed. She learned how babies are planned, made, born and, sadly, sometimes die before reaching their potential. She learned how sleepless nights and trying to out-smart a crafty old broodmare could result in getting to see, as non-horse owning people rarely do, the birth of a true miracle.

Because my daughter grew up with horses she understands the value of money. Every dollar can be translated into bales of hay, bags of feed or farrier visits. Purchasing non-necessities during lean times can mean the difference between feed and good care, or neglect and starvation. She has learned to judge the level of her care against the care she sees provided by others and to make sure her standards never lower, and only increase as her knowledge grows.

Because my daughter grew up with horses she has learned to learn on her own. She has had teachers that cannot speak, nor write, nor communicate beyond body language and reactions. She has had to learn to "read" her surroundings for both safe and unsafe objects, to look for hazards where others might only see a pretty meadow. She has learned to judge people as she judges horses. She looks beyond appearances and trappings to see what is within.

Because my daughter grew up with horses she has learned sportsmanship to a high degree. Everyone that competes fairly is a winner. Trophies and ribbons may prove someone a winner, but they do not prove someone is a horseman. She has also learned that some people will do anything to win, regard-less of who it hurts. She knows that those who will cheat in the show ring will also cheat in every other aspect of their life and are not to be trusted.

Because my daughter grew up with horses she has self-esteem and an engaging personality. She can talk to anyone she meets with confidence, because she has to express herself to her horse with more than words. She knows the satisfaction of controlling and teaching a 1000 pound animal that will yield willingly to her gentle touch and ignore the more forceful and inept handling of those stronger than she is. She holds herself with poise and professionalism in the company of those far older than herself.

Because my daughter grew up with horses she has learned to plan ahead. She knows that choices made today can effect what happens five years down the road. She knows that you cannot care for and protect your investments without savings to fall back on. She knows the value of land and buildings. And that caring for your vehicle can mean the difference between easy travel or being stranded on the side of the road with a four horse trailer on a hot day.

When I look at what she has learned and what it will help her become, I can honestly say that I haven't "wasted" a penny on providing her with horses. I only wish that all children had the same opportunities to learn these lessons from horses before setting out on the road to adulthood.

-- author unknown

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Beauty Of A New Age

The name of this print entitled "Beauty of a New Age" ©Lee Seed 

If I came knocking at your door,
Would you know I was there?
Would you open and invite me in,
To show me that you care?

If I tiptoed around your heart,
And promised to be quiet,
Would that be okay with you?
Or would it cause a riot?
 
I promise not to step on,
Any feelings you have there,
It’s only my desire,
To let you know I care.

It’s only my intention,
To tell you, you are handsome,
Not to make you shy away,
Nor hint at any ransom.
 
But just to reassure you,
To let you know it’s true,
I love the way you make me feel,
With things you say and do.

To let you know in some small way,
Although we’re miles apart,
That you already have a place,
That’s special in my heart.

© 2003 Loree (Mason) O’Neil

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Warning - Poem by Jenny Joseph

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple with a red hat which doesn't go, and doesn't suit me.

And I shall spend my pension on brandy and summer gloves and satin sandals, and say we've no money for butter.

I shall sit down on the pavement when I'm tired and gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells and run my stick along the public railings and make up for the sobriety of my youth.

 I shall go out in my slippers in the rain and pick flowers in other people's gardens and learn to spit.

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat and eat three pounds of sausages at a go or only bread and pickle for a week and hoard pens and pencils and beermats and things in boxes.

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry And pay our rent and not swear in the street and set a good example for the children.

We must have friends to dinner and read the papers.

But maybe I ought to practice a little now? So people who know me are not too shocked and surprised when suddenly I am old, and start to wear purple.

by English poet Jenny Joseph (born May 7, 1932 in Birmingham - January 8, 2018)

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