Never say...Die
There are no conclusive evidence about what happens to Old or Ageing skeptics, but their futures are doubtful.
- Walt Disney didn't die. He's in suspended animation
- Old yachtsmen never die, they just keel over
- Old x-ray techs never die, they just barium
- Old wrestlers never die, they just lose their grip
- Old wool coats never die, they just become mothballed
- Old white water rafters never die, they just get disgorged
- Old weathermen never die, they reign forever
- Old watchmakers never die, they just wind down
- Old watchmakers never die, they just run out of time
- Old wants never die, they become needs
- Old voicemail systems never die, they just stop answering
- Old violinists never die, they just become unstrung
- Old vintners never die, they just ferment away
- Old vacationers never die, they just don't come back
- Old usenetters never die, they just become unresponsive
- Old undertakers never die, they just vault away
- Old typists never die, they just lose their justification
- Old or ageing tv soap stars never die, they become pathetic
- Old tv shows never die, they just get rerun on nickelodeon
- Old truck drivers never die, they just get a new Peterbilt
- Old trombonists never die, they just slide away
- Old trigonometry teachers never die, they just lose their identities
- Old or ageing trash never dies, they just bury it
- Old tire tubes never die, they just get punctured
- Old telephones never die, they just stop ringing
- Old teachers never die, they just lose their class
- Old tape dispensers never die, they just get used up
- Old tanners never die, they just go into hiding.
- Old system users never die, they just chdir to null
- Old swimmers never die, they just kick-off
- Old swimmers never die, they just have a stroke
- Old swimmers never die, they just fall off their blocks
- Old surfers never die, they just get wiped out
- Old surfers never die, they just get board
- Old or ageing students never die, they just get degraded.
- Old steelmakers never die, they just lose their temper.
- Old statisticians never die, they just get broken down by age and sex
- Old spelunkers (cave explorers) never die, they just cave in
- Old sourdoughs never die, they just ferment away
- Old soldiers never die. Young ones do.
- Old soccer players never die, they just lose their kick
- Old soccer players never die, they just achieve their final goal
- Old or ageing skiers never die, they just go over the hill
- Old or ageing skiers never die, but they go downhill fast
- Old skateboarders never die, they just lose their bearings
- Old shoemakers never die, they just lose their sole
- Old sheetrockers never die, they just hang around
- Old sewage workers never die, they just waste away.
- Old seers never die, they just lose their vision.
- Old seamstresses never die, they just come to the point
- Old sculptors never die, they just lose their marbles.
- Old Scots never die, but they can be kilt
- Old scientists never die, they just gravitate
- Old schools never die, they just lose their principals.
- Old sanders never die, they just lose their grit
- Old salesmen never die, they just go out of commission
- Old sailors never die, they just lose their porpoise
- Old sailors never die, they just get a little dingy.
- Old rain puddles never die, they just dry up
- Old railroaders never die, they just derail
- Old radios never die, they just stop receiving
- Old radio operators never die, they just lose their power
- Old quilters never die, they just go under cover
- Old quilters never die, they just go to pieces
- Old quarterbacks never die, they just pass away.
- Old quarterbacks never die, they just fade back and pass away
- Old psychiatrists never die, they just shrink away
- Old propane tanks never die, they just run out of gas
- Old programming wizards never die, they just recurse.
- Old programmers never die, they just recurse
- Old programmers never die, they just lose their memory
- Old programmers never die, they just go to bits
- Old programmers never die, they just get bugged with life
- Old programmers never die, they just decompile
- Old programmers never die, they just byte it
- Old programmers never die, they just branch to a new address.
- Old professors never die, they just lose their class.
- Old procrastinators never die, they just keep putting it off
- Old printers never die, they're just not the type.
- Old preachers never die, they just ramble on, and on, and on, and on....
- Old preachers never die, they just lose their wind.
- Old postal carriers never die, they just lose their zip
- Old politicians never die, they just lose their hot air
- Old policemen never die, they just lose their beat
- Old policemen never die, they just cop out.
- Old plumbers never die, they just go down the drain
- Old plumbers never die, that is why they smell that way
- Old plastic never dies, they just recycle it
- Old planets never die, they just lose their attraction
- Old pilots never die, they just go to a higher plane.
- Old pilots never die, they just buzz off
- Old photographers never die, they just stop developing.
- Old photographers never die, they get sent to the Old focus home
- Old philosophers never die, they just kant
- Old penguins never die, they just get hard of herring
- Old pc's never die, they just cache in their chips
- Old paradoxes never die, they just become enigmas
- Old pacifists never die, they just go to peaces.
- Old owls never die, they just don't give a hoot.
- Old optomestrists never die, they just speculate
- Old numerical analysts never die, they just get disarrayed.
- Old number theorists never die, they just get past their prime.
- Old nuclear power plants never die, they just go off-line
- Old musicians never die, they just go from bar to bar
- Old musicians never die, they just get played out.
- Old musicians never die, they just decompose
- Old ministers never die, they just go out to pastor
- Old milkmaids never die, they just lose their whey.
- Old meteors never die, they just burn up
- Old mercenaries never die, they just go to hell to regroup
- Old mercenaries never die, they find someone else to take their place
- Old mediums never die, they are just visiting their friends
- Old mechanics never die, they just misplace their tools
- Old mechanics never die, they just lose their bearings
- Old mathematicians never die, they just lose some functions
- Old mathematicians never die, they just go off on a tangent
- Old mathematicians never die, they just disintegrate.
- Old math teachers never die, they just reduce to lowest terms
- Old magicians never die, they just change color
- Old magicians never die, they just make a big production of it
- Old magicians never die, they just float away
- Old magicians never die, they just disappear
- Old linguists never die, they just rearrange their deep structures
- Old limbo dancers never die, they just go under.
- Old light bulbs never die, they just de-light
- Old light bulbs never die, they just blink out
- Old or ageing librarians never die, they just lose their references
- Old librarians never die, they just get re-shelved
- Old librarians never die, they just check out
- Old librarians never die, their computers have fatal errors
- Old lawyers never die, they just lose their briefs
- Old lawyers never die, they just lose their appeal.
- Old laser physicists never die, they just become incoherent.
- Old knights in chain mail never die, they just shuffle off their metal coils.
- Old kleptomaniacs never die, they just steal away
- Old kids never die, they just grow up
- Old kids never die, they just adulterate
- Old key punch operators never die, they just punch out
- Old kayakers never die, they just roll back over, and do it again
- Old or ageing journalists never die, they just get de-pressed.
- Old jockeys never die, they just go horse
- Old Italians never die, they just pasta away.
- Old investors never die, they just roll over.
- Old interpreters (for the deaf) never die, they just sign off
- Old immortals [vampires, whatever] never die, they just...don't
- Old hypochondriacs never die, they just lose their grippe.
- Old or ageing hypochondriacs never die, they just imagine it
- Old hunters never die, they just stay loaded
- Old horticulturists never die, they just go to pot.
- Old homebrewers never die, they just ferment away
- Old hockey players never die, they just achieve their final goal
- Old or ageing hippies never die, they just smell that way.
- Old hikers never die, they just trail away
- Old helsinki tourists never die, they just vanish into finn air
- Old hardware engineers never die, they just cache in their chips.
- Old hams never die, they just get grounded
- Old hackers never die, they just go to bits.
- Old gymnasts never die, they just take longer to mount
- Old graphic artists never die, they just de-rez
- Old grammarians never die, they fall into a comma
- Old gossip or ageing columnists never die, they just lose their sense of rumor.
- Old or ageing goodyear workers never die, they just retire.
- Old or ageing golfers never die, they just lose their drive.
- Old golfers never die, they just lose their balls
- Old golfers never die, they just keep putting along
- Old ghost towns never die, they become desolate
- Old geologists never die, they just recrystalize
- Old geologists never die, they just petrify
- Old genealogists never die, they just degenerate
- Old garagemen never die, they just retire.
- Old or ageing fruit never die, it just pear-ishes
- Old frogs never die, they just croak
- Old fridge repairmen never die, they just blow their cool
- Old foresters never die, they just pine away
- Old football players never die, they just kick the bucket
- Old football players never die, they just kick off
- Old football players never die, they just go to the end zone
- Old fishermen never die, they just smell that way
- Old or ageing fishermen never die, they just get reel tired
- Old fishermen never die, their rods just go limp
- Old fireflies never die, they just find that they can't glow on
- Old fighters never die, they just lose their punch
- Old fathers never die, they just become grandfathers
- Old farmers never die, they just spade away
- Old farmers never die, they just go to seed.
- Old exorcists never die, they just give up the ghost
- Old eskimos never die, they just go cold
- Old environmentalists never die, they are just recycled
- Old english teachers never die, they just complete their sentences
- Old engineers never die, they just lose their bearings
- Old energizer bunnies never die, they go on, and on, and on...
- Old electricians never die, they just lose their charge
- Old electricians never die, they just lose contact.
- Old electricians never die, they just do it until it hertz
- Old electrical engineers never die, they just have slower rise times
- Old editors never die, they just go out of print
- Old drywallers never die, they just hang around
- Old drivers never die, they just blow a gasket.
- Old doctors never die, they just lose their patience.
- Old divers never die, they just lose their spring
- Old divers never die, they just get board
- Old divers never die, they just flop
- Old divers never die, they just extend their bottom time
- Old dieters never die, they just waist away
- Old dentists never die, they just lose their pull
- Old dentists never die, they just look down in the mouth
- Old deans never die, they just lose their faculties.
- Old daredevils never die, they just get discouraged.
- Old dancers never die, they just step away
- Old cricketers never die, they just get smashed for six
- Old cricketers never die, they just get bowled over
- Old credit cards never die, they just expire
- Old couriers never die, they just keep on expressing it
- Old cooks never die, they just get deranged.
- Old computer programmers never die, they just lose it bit by bit
- Old computer programmers never die, they just decompile.
- Old computer programmers never die, they just byte the dust
- Old computer programmers never die, their computers have fatal errors
- Old computer people never die, they just lose their memory
- Old cleaning people never die, they just kick the bucket.
- Old chiropractors never die, they adjust.
- Old chemists never die, they just smell that way
- Old chemists never die, they just reach equilibrium
- Old chemists never die, they just lose their refluxes
- Old chemists never die, they just fail to react.
- Old chemists never die, they just do it inorganically
- Old chauffeurs never die, they just lose their drive.
- Old cashiers never die, they just check out.
- Old cars never die, they just get run into the ground
- Old card players never die, they just lose their tricks
- Old canners never die, they are preserved
- Old butchers never die, they just meat somewhere else
- Old businesses never die, they just get consolidated
- Old burglars never die, they just steal away
- Old bureaucrats never die, they just waste away
- Old budgets never die, they are fillibustered
- Old bridge players never die, they just sit around on their fat aces
- Old bridge players never die, they just lose their finesse
- Old brickmasons never die, they just get mortarfied.
- Old bricklayers never die, they're just too busy making a kiln
- Old bricklayers never die, they just throw in the trowel.
- Old brakes never die, they just grind down
- Old bowlers never die, they just end up in the gutter
- Old bosses never die, much as you want them to.
- Old books never die, they just go out-of-print
- Old bookkeepers never die, they just lose their figures.
- Old bond investors never die, they just yield to maturity
- Old or ageing blondes never fade, they just dye away
- Old or ageing blondes never die, they just blank out
- Old biologists never die, they just ferment away
- Old or ageing bikers never die, but they're hard on tires
- Old beekeepers never die, they just buzz off.
- Old basketball players never die, they just go on dribbling.
- Old baseball players never die, they just run their last lap
- Old baseball players never die, they just go batty
- Old barbers never die, they just become Old cut-ups.
- Old bankers never die, they just want to be a loan
- Old bankers never die, they just lose interest.
- Old bakers never die, they just lose their dough
- Old atoms never die, they just decay
- Old astronauts never die, they just go to another world
- Old assets never die, they just depreciate
- Old architects never die, they just lose their structures.
- Old archers never die, they just bow and quiver.
- Old anthropologists never die, they just become history
- Old anesthesiologists never die, they just run out of gas
- Old alcoholics/drug addicts never die, they just get wasted
- Old actors never die, they just drop a part
- Old accounts never die, they are deleted
- Old accountants never die, they just lose their balance
- Old academics never die, they just lose their faculties
- Old thermodynamicists never die, they just achieve their state of maximum entropy
Source: fun-stuff-to-do
