WOMEN ~VS~ MEN DIFFERING VIEWS!   EATING OUT: If P.J., Melanie, Jan and Judi go out for lunch,   they will call each other Judi, Melanie, Jan and P.J..   But if Doug, Steve, Jim and Don go out for a brewsky,   they will affectionately refer to each other   as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head and Useless.   And when the check comes,   Doug, Steve, Jim and Don will each throw in $20 bills,   even though it's only for $22.50.   None of them will have anything smaller,   and none will actually admit they want change back.   When the girls get their check,   out come the pocket calculators.     BATHROOMS: A man has five items in his bathroom-   a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of Dial soap,   and a towel from the Holiday Inn.   The average number of items   in the typical woman's bathroom is 437.   A man would not be able   to identify most of these items.     GROCERIES: A woman makes a list of things she needs   and then goes out to the store and buys these things.   A man waits till the only items left in his fridge   are half a lime and a soda.   Then he goes grocery shopping.   He buys everything that looks good.   By the time a man reaches the checkout counter,   his cart is packed tighter than   the Clampett's car on Beverly Hillbillies.   Of course, this will not stop him from going   to the 10-items-or-less lane.     SHOES: When preparing for work,   a woman will put on a Mondi wool suit,   then slip on Reebok sneakers.   She will carry her dress shoes   in a plastic bag from Saks.   When a woman gets to work,   she will put on her dress shoes.   Five minutes later, she will kick them off   because her feet are under the desk.   A man will wear the same pair of shoes all day.     CATS: Women love cats.   Men say they love cats,   but when women aren't looking,   men kick cats.     DRESSING UP: A woman will dress up to:   go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,   answer the phone, read a book, get the mail.   A man will dress up for:   weddings, funerals.     LAUNDRY: Women do laundry every couple of days.   A man will wear every article of clothing he owns,   including his surgical pants that were hip   about eight years ago, before he will do his laundry.   When he is finally out of clothes,   he will wear a dirty sweatshirt inside out,   rent a U-Haul and take his mountain of clothes   to the Laundromat.   Men always expect to meet beautiful women at the Laundromat.   ( This is a myth perpetuated by   reruns of old episodes of "Love, American Style." )     OFFSPRING: Ah, children.   A woman knows all about her children.   She knows about dentist appointments, soccer games   romances, best friends, favorite foods,   secret fears, hopes and dreams.   A man is vaguely aware   of some short people living in the house.

 

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